By: Mandie Schreck

What are the first steps in the healing journey for individuals who have been abused?

Acknowledging the abuse you’ve experienced and having a clear understanding that you are not the one at fault

It can be difficult for many because you may have many underlying fears, regrets, shame, guilt, and questions about self-confidence and strength. Removing yourself from an abusive situation is one of the most challenging steps because of the strength it takes to recognize red flags, then take action to begin a lifelong journey. Healing is never linear, and it can take many years to go through this acknowledgment process. Many individuals who have been abused will suppress their emotions for safety. It may protect you at the moment, but it can harm you when you are trying to heal. Here are some ways to recognize abuse in your own relationships or with your friends and family.

Psychological and Self Abuse

Check-in often. Begin to recognize the way you should be treated and if the person’s actions in your life match your standards.

Self-Abuse often begins with negative self-talk, which can spiral if not acknowledged. Apply compassionate self-forgiveness immediately as the thoughts arise. Forgive yourself for believing you are any less than whole and loved, just as you are.

When kindness, respect, and love are no longer at the forefront of a relationship and are replaced with dismissiveness, mocking, or yelling, this is when recognizing tone and verbiage is crucial (Healthline, 2018).

“When we allow frustration to sabotage us, we actively hurt ourselves. On those occasions, we become abusers”(Steenbarger, 2017).

Physical, Sexual, and Spousal Abuse

When physical force, weapons, or non-consensual sexual acts are present in the relationship, acknowledge and address them immediately. Contact local authorities, a trusted friend, family member, colleague, or mentor to help remove you from the situation as soon as possible.

Recognize and consciously tell yourself that any form of physical or sexual violence against yourself is not acceptable in any relationship.
You can visit WomensHealth.gov for a list of warning signs and the next steps you can take.

Child, Cyberbullying, and Bullying

Child abuse, especially cyberbullying and bullying, can often go undetected for a significant amount of time. Communicate with your children, friends, and family members about the importance of recognizing bullying at school or via the internet before the situation escalates.

Ask questions that go deeper than just, “How was your day?” For example, asking “who do you sit with at lunch and on the bus?” can help start that dialogue and get to understand who your child associates with or if there are any problems they were too shy to bring up previously (Stomp Out Bullying, 2021).

Financial and Narcissistic Abuse

Notice when you are no longer in control of your own emotions or finances or are being neglected in any way is a sign of both Financial and Narcissistic Abuse. When control is no longer in your hands, begin to notice what you have control over. If the individual’s control on you is more, it is time to acknowledge the abuse and seek assistance.

We at ARO are here to support you in your personal healing journey to complete wellbeing. We bring awareness and education to the ten different types of abuse listed in this post. We are here to guide, educate, and uplift others to truly heal and find peace. If you would like to learn more and donate to help others find refuge, please visit GoARO.org.

Bibliography

Healthline. “How to Recognize the Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse.” Healthline. 2018. https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse#accusing-blaming-and-denial.

Steenbarger, B. “When Frustration Becomes Self-Abuse: How We Can Undercut — And Rebuild — Our Own Success.” Forbes. March 26, 2017. https://www.forbes.com/sites/brettsteenbarger/2017/03/26/when-frustration-becomes-self-abuse-how-we-can-undercut-and-rebuild-our-own-success/?sh=45ecef6c30b5.

Stomp Out Bullying. “Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied — Tip Sheet.” Stomp Out Bullying. 2021. https://www.stompoutbullying.org/tip-sheet-signs-your-child-being-bullied.