By: Whitney Derman

Generational Trauma affects many families. It is commonly caused by creating a cycle of abuse by which each generation ends up passing their fears, anxieties, and other issues they got from their parents to their children, who in turn pass it down to their children.

“Even if the abuse itself is not repeated, the effects of abuse and traumatic stress can linger and trickle down from generation to generation in the form of fear, anxiety, shame, grief, unhealthy core family beliefs and behaviors, negative relationships, or unconscious cues and messages” (BetterHelp, 2021).

There is no saying where the issues originally stem from, but the good news is the cycle can be stopped at any time as long as the effort is put in.

Healing from Generational Trauma was difficult in past generations because therapy was so stigmatized; it was often considered shameful if a family member received therapy. It was frequently treated as a punishment for not acting properly, not as a way to genuinely heal. While there is still a stigma regarding mental healthcare today, and I have personally witnessed these old-school attitudes, people are becoming more willing to go for therapy and psychiatry to improve their lives. As this becomes less and less stigmatized, we are likely to see Generational Traumas heal and prevent new ones from ever forming as they will be stopped in their tracks instead of being passed down.

Now a fair warning, since Generational Trauma is so ingrained in what we consider normal, it can be difficult to identify.

Possible Symptoms Of Generational Trauma include:

● Fear, phobias, anxiety, PTSD, obsessive thoughts, or depression

● Poor relationships — you may be unable to form close, satisfying relationships. It may be difficult for you to trust others, which is a crucial aspect of intimacy in close relationships.

● Terrifying memories, nightmares, persistent negative thoughts, or flashbacks

● Accepting abuse from others

● Damaged self-esteem

● Increased risk of physical illness

● Substance abuse

● Repeating or fear of repeating abuse with your children

● Being a people pleaser

● Codependency

● Being conflict-driven

● Being aloof and self-isolating (Lizett, 2020).

What is tricky about healing from Generational Abuse is that simply cutting off toxic families will not heal you. While distance can be important for your mental health if you’re suffering from Generational Trauma, it is still ingrained in you and the way you deal with life, meaning even if your trauma feels like it’s your parent’s fault, it is your responsibility alone to heal and break the cycle (Lizett, 2020). Unfortunately, you cannot go back to the past, but you can always change the future.

How To Heal From Generational Trauma:

There are several ways to help heal from Generational Trauma. The following exercise can help you use your trauma in a positive way. Note: Only do this if you are in a healthy enough headspace to face your trauma. If you are worried about spiraling into negative thoughts, contact a trusted friend or professional.

Try this exercise below:

1. Think of the source of your trauma — the person, the event, or something that invokes the most emotions.

2. Remember how it made you feel. Dive into your emotions and how they made you feel when the trauma, abuse, or betrayal occurred. How does it make you feel now? How do you think about that person?

3. Using a piece of paper, fold or draw a line dividing it into two parts. On one side, label it “Emotions” and write down all the emotions that came up in the last step.

4. On the other half of the paper, label it “Facts” and write down how this person hurt you. What tactics did they use? What words did they use? Write down any methods you recall, words or phrases, boundaries they consistently overstepped, traits, and behaviors reflective of them. Describe the situation and how it occurred as if you’re writing a police report. Write this part as factual as you can.

5. You can now see before you the difference between emotions and “facts.” Facts arm you with wisdom, ways to protect yourself, and learning opportunities. You now have a cheat sheet (a guide) of signs that someone may potentially hurt you. Your emotions do not have to be your record-keeper anymore (Lizzet, 2020).

This advice is great because it gives you warnings on what abuse looks like that you can use to know when someone may hurt you and ways to prevent yourself from potentially repeating these harmful behaviors. After doing this, it is important to check it every so often as a reminder. See below some ways for helping to prevent yourself from passing on toxic behaviors:

● See the patterns. Some are more obvious than others: Domestic Violence, abuse, anxiety, gender roles

● Build awareness around what triggers you to step into these established patterns. Is it yelling, disrespect, feeling devalued, physical aggression, watching people bully others?

● Once you are aware of triggers, become aware of how you react to them. Do you shut down, become angry, become violent, yell?

● Learn to put roadblocks in those patterns. Set up a trigger word or phrase that helps you recognize when you are going down a pattern. Consider setting up a support network to be held accountable.

● Give yourself grace.

These are patterns that have been engrained for a long period of time. Generational Trauma does not heal overnight or even over a week. It takes time (Frank, 2018).

Negative thought patterns develop over time and can also go away with time, but if you work hard and constantly push negative thoughts out of your head, this can lead to a more positive headspace.

However, the most useful tip is to seek therapy if it is available to you. There are several forms of therapy that can help you deal with Generational Trauma.

At ARO, we are working to offer Norm Therapy, a service that helps abuse victims and survivors understand the truth behind their abusive circumstances.

We at ARO are here to support you in your personal healing journey to complete wellbeing. We bring awareness and education to ten different types of abuse and help others heal and find peace.

If you would like to learn more and donate to help others find refuge, please visit GoARO.org.

Sources:

BetterHelp. (2021, August 25). Understanding and healing from intergenerational trauma. BetterHelp. https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/inclusive-mental-health/understanding-and-healing-from-intergenerational-trauma/

Frank, R. (2018, November 27). Generational trauma — implications and steps to healing. Courage to Connect Counseling. https://www.courage2connect.com/generational-trauma-implications-and-steps-to-healing/

Lizett, L. (2019, September 19). Healing family (and generational) trauma. Patient’s Lounge. https://patientslounge.com/mental-health/Healing-Family-Trauma