By: Rashmi Negi

It is difficult to come to terms emotionally when you are being abused. However, it is crucial to understand the pattern of your partner’s behavior. When in love, it can be challenging to identify and distinguish between typical relationship problems, when you are being controlled, or even when you are being manipulated. If your partner is violent, it is a clear sign, but emotional or verbal abuse is more subtle and complicated.

Write it Down
If you are being abused, it is suggested to notate everything in a notebook. Whenever your partner or abuser is causing you turmoil, write everything down in your personal space. Avoid writing in front of the abuser and try to recall everything. Do not miss out on essential details such as the date, time, and description of the incident. Be as accurate as possible about what the abuser said and how you responded, including any witnesses if present. It is an individual’s choice to use the most appropriate documentation method for themselves.

Record the Incident
Some prefer recording, while others don’t. When recording, find a safe place to keep the recorder or phone away from the abuser’s sight. Check your state regulations for laws on recording individuals without consent to ensure you follow proper state guidelines. Recalling every detail of a situation can help strengthen the survivor’s side of the story. The abusive situation is traumatic and can affect a survivor’s state of mind, so if local laws permit recording, this is a good option.

Capture Injuries
If you were physically hurt or injured in an abusive situation, take photos of the scars or injuries. Be brave and do not hesitate. Photos are valid proof that can be very helpful in your side of the story.

Keep a Record of Emails, Messages, and Phone Calls
It is best to save the abuser’s messages sent via email or text. Take a screenshot, including the headers or subjects. Do not delete any transactional emails such as payments, deductions, and more. It is advisable to save all threatening messages and record any phone conversations (California Courts, n.d.).

 
Abuse Refuge Org (ARO) is here to provide support through a network of peers, professionals, and advocates. We offer a survivors group to allow abuse survivors to come together, share their experiences, and reciprocate support. Our mission is to hire professional staff like clinicians, doctors, counselors, and other medical professionals to provide one-on-one online critiques, assessments, diagnoses, and treatments. To help support our cause, please donate to GoARO.org.

Source
California Courts. (n.d.). Domestic violence: Make a safety plan. https://www.courts.ca.gov/1263.htm