By: N.M. Bialko

One in six women will experience stalking and 66.2% of the time, it will be by a former partner.

What is Stalking?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines stalking as:

• The act or crime of willfully and repeatedly following or harassing another person in circumstances that would cause a reasonable person to fear injury or death especially because of express or implied threats

I am part of that 66.2%; I represent the 1 in 6. Will you stand up with me?

I met with Prosecutor Mary Lynn Caswell, the Director of Domestic Violence Division and Stalking Unit for Franklin County, Ohio, and Advocacy Coordinator Julienne Long to gain insight on stalking and the steps one could take to be free from the fear of stalking. During our meeting, I posed the following question:

“What do you wish women knew before they walked into your office? What would you tell them if it was three months prior?”

The first thing Prosecutor Caswell wanted to make clear was that stalking isn’t just reserved for the wealthy, politicians, or celebrities. It can happen to anyone involved in a power/control dynamic. Prosecutor Caswell also acknowledges that an experience such as stalking will permeate every aspect of a victim’s life and makes finding any peace and security difficult. She explained that Domestic Violence cases are “nuanced and complicated” and some of the “hardest to prosecute.” However, this hasn’t discouraged her as she has been a prosecutor for the last 22 years. (She stands up.)

Advocate Long shared some of her experience and how she has worked in the stalking unit for the last six years and spent the last twenty working with children and domestic abuse survivors. She is currently earning her doctorate and writing her dissertation on stalking. (She stands up.)

Four Steps to Stand up To Stalking:

Step One: Set Firm Boundaries

In writing, whether it be via text, email, or a certified letter (easily done at your local post office), set a clear boundary to the stalker. It should be simple, direct, and clear about what you want the stalker to do, or in this case, stop doing.

Advocate Long suggested a very firm and simple statement: Do not contact me anymore.

Unfortunately, this is unlikely to stop a stalker from continued unwanted phone calls, texts, letters, or sending flowers or food. A stalker always finds a way to communicate and locate. It is during this time that you must remain strong and not give in to your stalker in any way. You have made your intentions clear, and now is the time to stand up for yourself through silence. You are your primary focus. Julienne Long made note that, “No response is a response to a stalker.”

Step Two: Collect Evidence and Document

Continue to save all unwanted correspondence. Take photos and videos as needed of any deliveries to your home or any sightings of your stalker. Create a timeline of events to include dates/times and a brief description of the event. You can utilize our blog post on How to Document Abuse as a starting point. Preserve all evidence. Even if they send flowers and it seems like a kind gesture, trust that it isn’t, and take a picture of them. Prosecutor Caswell knows that those who are being stalked are seen as a “possession” by their stalker. You are not a possession; you are a person with rights.

Step Three: Petition the Court for a Civil Protective Order (CPO)

What is a CPO? A CPO is a court document that significantly limits or prohibits the offender from having contact with named family or household members and orders the offender to cease current behavior. This order serves to help prevent further acts or threats of violence against you. (Columbus City Attorney, Zach Klein.)

Petitioning the court for a CPO is an important step for the victim. The victim is telling the court: “I want to be safe.” The CPO informs the stalker to stop or there will be significant consequences. Should you petition the court, you will be asked to present your evidence and “establish the relationship.” Be prepared to explain to the court how you knew this person prior to stalking. Again, Prosecutor Caswell reminds us that it is not always a former partner but could be a stranger or someone you had limited interaction with. Every state and county may have a slightly different process so please contact your prosecutor’s office or Domestic Relations Division in your county for clear direction. Your local police station can also guide you to the appropriate divisions. You do not need an attorney, but it is always suggested to be sure you understand your rights.

Step Four: Safety and Support

You must remain hypervigilant about your safety. Change your routines and be aware of your surroundings. Consider staying with a loved one or a trusted friend. Change all your passwords and if possible, secure a dash camera for your vehicle and/or a security camera or system for your home. Take your vehicle to a trusted dealership to have it checked for a tracking device. If your stalker once had access to your keys, change the locks. Although this can be an isolating and shameful experience for the victim, now is the time to reach out to your support system. Confide in your family, friends, close confidants, or even a spiritual advisor. Now is the time to make self-preservation and healing a priority. Consider counseling and/or contacting any agency that offers support or shelter.

Final Thoughts:

Should your stalker attempt to violate the CPO in any way, you must contact the authorities. Continue to record and report throughout your experiences. Once a CPO is issued by the court, only a judge can change the terms or conditions of the CPO. A violation of the order can lead to additional consequences such as a misdemeanor or even felony charges against the offender.

Prosecutor Caswell knows that there are lasting consequences to a victim and that stalking is constantly evolving because of technology, and oftentimes the stalker is one step ahead of the court. Prosecutor Caswell encourages any victim of Domestic Violence or Stalking to take advantage of an opportunity to give a Victim Impact statement to the court.

The Victim Impact Statement is an opportunity for every abuse survivor to share their story and educate the courts. It is an opportunity to educate the judge, prosecutor, criminal defense attorney, and everyone present in the courtroom about the fear, anxiety, and emotional pain caused by acts such as stalking.

It is an opportunity to stand up to your abuser. It is an opportunity to stand up to abuse.

Will you stand up with me?

Abuse Refuge Org’s mission is to build a worldwide community focused on breaking the cycle of abuse through education and support. Learn more at GoARO.org and please consider donating to help support our cause.

Resources and References:
https://codes.ohio.gov/ohio-revised-code/section-2903.211
https://www.merriam-webster.com/legal/stalking
https://nij.ojp.gov/topics/articles/overview-stalking
https://city-attorney.columbus.gov/
http://familysafetyandhealing.org/
https://abuserefuge.org/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/electronics/3248689011
https://www.amazon.com/security-surveillance-cameras/b?node=524136